Like Children
by her-eyes-fiery-pinpricks
Summary: "I hate sleepovers. I get happy at night then sad real late. And nothing can pull me out of it. And I think of…" "Of what?" …She doesn't answer. / for jor. bc im avoiding that prologue. NOT OFFICIALLY FAMANDA so i can make it separate heh. i forgot to how to oneshot. t for stuff. jess pov what


**ooOKAY SO JUST ONE MORE ONESHOT BEFORE I GO :D**

**_DON'T BLAME ME_**

**okay jordan so maybe not the fluffiest but i got some floof in there at the end which is basically the same thing**

**first time ive had to title anything in a while what the**

**19 maybe, ot crap, headcanons can agree, bc i play with a couple of mine that are in other works too**

**SORRY THAT THEY'RE SLEEPING IN ALL MY ONESHOTS ITS JUST THAT IDK IT CUTE**

**AND AS FOR THE PICTURE IT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD FIND OKAY**

**t bc mentions of scary things literally hints? idk  
****  
Like Children**

She has an internal alarm clock, one she has no hope of pulling the plug for or putting on snooze. Jess opens her eyes, and they will stay open. She's not on a pillow. Looking to her left she sees her sister's feet, her heels, but at a weird angle.

"We're alone," Amanda says, trying to sound creepy. All the other Keepers are asleep. Jess sighs.

Amanda sounds like she wants to get up but can't. "You were sleeping, all night, right on my butt. You little weirdo."

"Like I haven't seen it already enough times," Jess says dryly, scootching off. She snatches a blanket from Maybeck and wraps it around herself, while sitting up against the side wall. She looks down. Kinda moping. Her eyes not as bright.

"Got anything to say, beautiful?" Amanda tilts her head at the sight.

She picks the carpet. "I hate sleepovers. I get happy at night then sad real late. And nothing can pull me out of it. And I think of…"

"Of what?"

Jess doesn't answer. But honestly, that was as much as she could explain while making some kind of sense. The Keepers had a rough night, going into the parks as real people, then gathered back at Finn's house. By that time it was so late they all just crashed in the basement. She does get happy—when her brain realizes it can stay up as long as it wants, creating things, and the hours before they go to sleep is usually Maybeck and Finn tossing jokes with Amanda putting in something as well, and she just loves that. But then it hits her, the reminder of her mortality, that all this _will _fade. Then bad feelings come in droves.

Amanda exhales. "I feel you. I get what you mean."

"We become like children and then…everything means something."

"Okay." Because that's the only response to that right then.

"You like sleepovers 'cause you get to be right up Finn."

Amanda's eyes go back to said fiancé, who she was snuggled up with before, and back to Jess, blankly. "In front of everyone? Considering I sleep with him every night? I'm good, you bugger."

It can't stay in. Jess just comes out with it. "Are you and Finn gonna have kids?"

She knew this silence would come. And it hurts her even though she did. Amanda looks down at her nails. "I want to."

"You're sure."

"Yeah."

"Manda, I—"

"We went over this."

"No, you didn't." Jess eyes her sharply. There's so much in this next word, untellable words. "…No."

"Well, hasn't worked before, so Finn thinks we should wait now. Maybe after the wedding."

"Doesn't matter when. Matters if."

"Yes. I want to have kids."

"You know no Fairlie has a mother. You could…"

"The kid probably won't be one."

"You don't know."

"Well, what do you suggest?"

She has to convince her. She's too scared what will happen. "Adoption."

"What else?"

"…Just don't have a kid."

"You're being selfish."

"Sorry that I don't want my sister to die!" Jess knows Amanda's the one being selfish. Stubborn. She's always been too obstinate for her own good, but now it could threaten her well-being…

Her convincing will never break the walls. Jess takes a good, long look at Amanda She sees a girl ready to grow up and get that family. She sees her sister. Then she sees…

She sees Amanda's face, broken. She sees tears that can't come out because of how punched in her face is. And how she tried to hide this look from Jess, how young she tried to keep her, during those terrible months of being without help, on the run, but how Jess just kept staring at her like she was dependent on the sight. She sees clothes…torn, loosened…_lowered_ _clothes…_

And with quiet, shuddering breathing Jess wraps herself up all the way, into a little ball, the blanket covering everything. "Nuh-uh," she hears Amanda say. Jess looks back at her sister and her face isn't hurt, it's perfect and beautiful, like how it's been for a long time. Jess trusts Finn, and loves him, but not to the point of giving up her only family. But…

She doesn't wanna think about the future. Still peeking out from the blanket she sees Amanda wave her over. "Give it here, baby. Come on."

Jess crawls over like the little girl she always will be. "Good, come on." Amanda's so perfect. She knows how to react when Jess has these sad attacks. That's why Jess needs her.

She hugs her—more like putting her whole body on Amanda's shoulder. "I love you," she says into the couch.

"I love you, too. Now don't be sad anymore." Jess turns around and feels Amanda's face. Amanda rubs her shoulder. She thinks her sister is real cute, when she's all sleepy, because she feels to need to keep on touching her to know she's there. But she'd take this kind of feeling up any day.

Jess gets her own head on Amanda's neck. She smells like vanilla. _And safe._

She feels better.

**a reminder that it was a sea of red in school today, kind of like jesamae**


End file.
